Its funny how you can stumble upon something, and all of a sudden what you thought was gone suddenly comes rushing back. This is what I found in some old emails. What she wrote to me.

It’s 2:25 in the morning. I know that I probably should be getting some sleep right now…but instead I’m lying awake listening to the Scientist thinking about you. I just walked by you sleeping about 5 minutes ago…I could have taken the shorter walk right to my sleeping bag, but I wanted to see you so I crept across the wood floor of the gym and saw you sleeping so peacefully. Every part of my being wanted to crawl into your sleeping bag right next to you and fall asleep in your embrace. Sometimes I really miss being with you. I miss the way you treated me, I miss spending time with you. I miss the way you made me feel about myself. You made me feel like a super model, a superhero, I was invincible with you. I could do nothing wrong.

I can honestly say I don’t even know what happened between us. I don’t know what caused my feelings to change, our relationship to fall apart. I can distinctly remember one of the last fights we ever had…remember that night in February we drove around downtown East Lansing for what seemed to be hours, I had never felt so lost in my entire life. That was the moment I felt our relationship slipping, falling like grains of sand out of my grasp with nothing I could do to stop the grains from dropping. I tried my hardest to save our relationship, but I couldn’t do it. And it breaks my heart to know we were so close. But yet, we were so far away.

I can remember every single day we spent together. Remember Halloween? We spent the night getting tipsy off of cheap Bacardi and our love for each other. I remember Christmas, you spent the entire holiday laying with me while my voice sounded like Batman. And while you weren’t laying with me you were holding my hand at my Grandpa’s funeral. I can’t get over how much you supported me through out our relationship. That was something I really took for granted and I guess I wanted to address it.

Remember the time you picked me up from my house to take me to Don Miguel’s? I was late…as usual. You waited in my house as I pulled my white lace shirt over my head and ran down the stairs. I never would have imagined we would have shared your first kiss that day. Remember the first time you called me on the phone? You were so nervous to carry on a conversation with me, now look where we are. It’s difficult to call you on the phone and have a conversation less than 30 minutes with you.

And now she’s gone forever. Sometimes I wish I could see her one last time, just to know she’s doing well.